Why me?

I woke up yesterday morning still congested and feeling cold-infested. My left eye kept watering too...and it didn't stop watering, but instead got all red and puffy and gooey. Yup...I got pink eye. Lord knows where I got it or why, but I'm not impressed. I mean seriously, who gets pink eye?! Other than me. And I can't even remember the last time I had it...I think I was about 7 or so? This is just stupid. But, luckily, I am dating the most wonderful man in the world and he's been nothing but sweet to me, taking care of me, making suggestions for how to deal with the discomfort, and insisting that I'm cute, even though I'm pretty sure I look more like Quasimodo.

I love Dream Jessica...

I had a dream last night that I told off a certain person. I flat out told him he was a worthless sack of shit and didn't deserve anyone's time. He was (probably understandably) a little upset by my comments, but it felt really good to tear a strip off him and tell him that I didn't trust him, that he treats other people like shit, that I think it's disgusting how he lies to everyone even those he claims to care about, and that he needs to grow up. I told him I had no use for him and that he could just go away. I love that I always get the chance to say whatever I want in my dreams and be as harsh as I could ever imagine...that I can let my inner-evil-bitch run rampant and no one actually gets hurt.

Two Year Anniversary

Things are looking up

Just a quick update: Brad arrived safe and sound (if not a little tired) last night and we had dinner of BP in the living room and watched Ghost Whisperer before going to bed. It's snowing today, but it's a wonderful day because it's our 2 year anniversary today. Sigh...my apartment looks so much better with him in it!

The Cap to a Shit Week

This is what I found when I left my apartment bound for work this morning. Yep...some asshole shithead fuckers stole my back two winter tires. As Bill put it, it seems to be the capper to a shit-week. I've been so careful too...making sure the club in on my car, making sure there's nothing visible inside it so there's no temptation for theives to break in, and what happens? Some little shits decide to take my tires. For the record, I am sick of this town shitting on me. Stating for the record: I hate Prince George very very much today. And, to top things off, just as soon as I got off the phone with the RCMP, I got a call from the ND in Swift who wanted to chat, and me, feeling like a doofus, had to tell him that I might have to go suddenly because I was waiting for the Police to arrive because I've just had my tires stolen. Oh the up-side, a HUGE thank you to Hartley for offering to help me out financially with the replacement, to my Mum who said "oh for shit sake!" when I told her and who then told me not to worry they would help me out, to Brad who told me he would take care of it, to Mare who repreatedly offered her help from the Okanagan, to Carol who offered to get me a really good deal of replacements, to Bill for buying me a gigantic Chai Latte, and to Wil for picking me up and driving me to and from work today. Without those who are willing to go out of their way, I would probably be a sobbing mess right now. As it is, I'm just pissed off. (oh, and the jack...not mine...don't know where that came from, the cops figure it's stolen too...nice of them to leave it behind)

Fingers Crossed

Here we go...one more sleep! Brad gets here tomorrow! Tonight is clean sheet night, I vaccuumed the house and did the dishes and, well, that's about all I have the energy for. The other good news? Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! WOOT! I love Friday! And hopefully *fingers crossed* they'll have some sort of decision on the news director position tomorrow...or at least some progress. That would be really nice. This is getting very very exhausting, and to be honest, I don't know how much longer I can do this for. I know it wouldn't be so bad if the newsroom systems didn't keep crashing on us, and if I weren't so friggin tired all the time, and if I hadn't gotten sick. Then I'm sure we could handle having only three people for a little while at least...but everything together...well, it's just way too much to ask. So I've got my fingers crossed and god willing, I won't have to throw a fit in the newsroom...not that I would EVER do that...hahaha...uh...hahaha.

Spreading the ger-- er...Love..yeah, that's it

Still feeling pooey today, but not nearly so much...just tired. uber uber tired. But the good news is, only ONE MORE SLEEP! till Brad gets here. Hopefully, if it's two then that's alright too because I would rather he took his time and stayed overnight somewhere if the weather gets crappy on the roads.
Yesterday, around 4:30 or so, Paul Mann, the big Suit of Vista came to the station. He wandered by the newsroom and, upon seeing me came in and said he didn't think he'd met me yet. I said no, introduced myself and shook his hand. Seems like a nice enough guy, definately a sales person...maybe I should have told him I'm rife with germs...?

je suis malade

I guess it was bound to happen. Things have been so stressful at work, and I haven't been sleeping well at nights, so it was really no surprise when I started to feel really crummy yesterday at work. I started on the Cold-fx yesterday afternoon but by 8 last night I felt like shit. Sore throat, exhausted, achey and my skin hurt. I went to bed early too...just after 10. But by 4 this morning I woke up fully fevered. I think the fever broke around 5. I guess I somehow dozed off again but work up at 7, just in time to call Bill. I felt so stupid calling...it's Wil's day off, so I really couldn't take the day off...but I also knew I would probably pass out in the shower if I had to get up and go to work at 9. So I called and said "I have an absurd question" and asked if I could come in after lunch. He said that was fine. So I slept until 11, got up, forcefed myself some pasta and cereal bars and a little bit of coffee, had a shower, got dressed and went into work. I hate being here and risking making everyone else sick, but there really isn't any other choice. We're totally stuck. This is what happens when a company is totally understaffed. I must give shout-outs to Pope and Whitey who both generously donated their packages of Cold-fx to me...which I think are working a little. If nothing else, just as a boost to the immune system to keep me from getting worse. So, here I am at work, feeling like poo, wishing I could be home, with an array of vitamins, pills, advil, water, and tea spread around me. And seriously, when I tell my mum, she's going to be right pissed off at the station for putting us in a situation where we're so understaffed that someone with the flu can't take a day off.

Who needs sleep? Well, you're never gonna get it. Who needs sleep? Tell me what's that for?

I SHOULD be sleeping right now. But, quite clearly, I am not. I hate insomnia. It's been a very long time since I actually couldn't bring myself to fall asleep, no matter what I tried, and thus, I had forgotten how unbelievably frustrating it is!
Obviously Counting Sheep aren't all they're cracked up to be...look at this guy, he's pissed off!

Just another Manic (depressive) Monday

It's a good thing I recognize that I'm too old to go trick-or-treating for halloween, or it would have been more like this:

It's Monday...and thank God it's over. Talk about hitting the brickwall...I ran headlong into it about 30 minutes after getting into work today, and I got there 15 minutes early. I was so hoping to feel refreshed after my weekend of loafing around, but apparently not so much. Oh well, tomorrow is Tuesday; a day that I have generally always sort of liked...not sure why, and pretty sure that's going to change soon, but for the time being...oh hell, I can't even pretend to keep my chin up. I hate work. Booo...LALALALALA

"alll byyyyy myyyy seeeelllllffffff....."

Still in my jammies...it's 2 oclock. Yup. That's about the kind of day this is shaping up to be. If I feel ambitious enough I MAY go to Wal-mart...possibly. Hard to say at this point. I just got off the phone with Mare after a 2 hour and 17 minute conversation. I miss her. She agreed that she should have been there last night and we would have whooped it up.

Meh

I went to Wolf Fest 3 tonight...David Lee Murphy with the Poverty Plainsmen opening the night. It was...well, it was alright. I feel so disatisfied with my social life right now. I really enjoyed talking to Jessica, Kelly, and Christina...but it gets a little frustrating for me to try to talk to people at concerts because I tend to have a hard time hearing when there are lots of people around anyway, and when it's really really loud, it makes it even harder. I really wanted to talk to them...but...oh well. And I was so greatful for them being there.
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to go to social things because I always feel like I'm the odd one out. Most of the commonplace-staff-stuff that goes on is mostly just guys. I like it when GLo comes out because I can talk to him: he's married. The other guys are either too touchy feely, or they just don't give me the time of day, which I can only imagine is because I'm taken. So, unless GLo is there, or Pope, I only have Heather to talk to. She's great to talk to, but she spends a lot of time with Docc, which is totally understandable, what with their being, well, whatever they are...but it doesn't leave much for me to do other than sit around. Which is, ultimately, why I don't go out very often, and why, when I do go out, I generally come home early and feeling a little melancholy.
I feel like that tonight, though it's not because there weren't many people there. Like I said, I really liked talking to Christina and Kelly and Jessica, but well, it was so loud it was a lot of work to have a conversation. I wanted to dance, but there was no one to dance with...and, well...yeah. I don't know. I guess I'm just lonely. I miss Brad. And I miss having Mare at these things.

Homesick

I talked to Brad tonight briefly, and became very homesick. Strange to be homesick when you're sitting in your livingroom, but it happened. I was homesick. He went to Swift Current for the weekend and was hanging out with Nick and Kim and joking around. He's never all that talkative when he's in Swift, usually, I assume, because he's around other people. The guy's got an image he's gotta uphold. haha. I don't know. I just wished that I was there. That I was hanging out with them too. Sigh. I know that things will happen eventually, it's the waiting and wondering and feeling like I'm hitting a brick wall continually that starts to get me down. There isn't enough coffee or wine in the world to make this work properly.

I hate, I mean HEART, Winter

I decided today, in light of Heather's return home, I would go and shovel her driveway and clean off her car. So, I bundled up somewhat in my new raincoat over a hoodie and my boots and went to go and do a good deed. I went to Whitey's to get a shovel and went over to Heather's where, sure enough, her landlord had NOT cleared the driveway. First off, I decided to clean off her car. There was rougly 7 inches of snow on top of it and a solid sheet of ice on the windshield. But, while I was cleaning off the car, I started to feel heavy drops on my head. I looked up, and sure enough, it had started to rain. Big, heavy drops of rain. So I decided to buck up and deal with it and continue with my snow removal. I cleared a good portion of her driveway. The exersize made me really hot though, so I took of my raincoat and proceeded to get utterly soaked. I ended up giving up halfway through the driveway clearing only enough of a path for her to get her car out. Nothing like half-assed good deeds. Seriously though, this is going to be one hell of a mess if it freezes over night. I hate winter.

Distant Friends

Not that it's any surprise to those who know me, but apparently I'm not capable of going to sleep thinking about something without it apearing in my dreams. Last night Maureen and I were talking about Jeff and Erin and how strange it is to have drifted so far from them. I've been drifting for the past, well, three years, maybe more, but every now and again it comes back to me how far we've gone from each other. The last time I saw the pair of them was at Christmas last year. I've heard from Erin a couple of times since, but the only word I ever heard from Jeff came when I wrote to him to ask just how much trouble he was actually in (a lot, it turns out, but, in true Jeff style, he said it was no big deal). That's it. As far as they know, I could have had left the country, had a baby, maybe had a sex-change operation. They would have no idea. And apparently the same went for Maureen; she hasn't heard from Jeff since last Christmas, and only got an email from Erin on her birthday. Now, before this goes any further, in their defence, I haven't written a lot either, so it goes both ways. But it's very strange to think about how far people can drift from each other.
My dream last night had something to do with seeing them and deciding I would go for coffee because I would probably never seem them again anyway, so I might as well make the effort this one last time and then forget about them completely. Harsh, huh?

this is how we do it in the north

Why yes, yes I am wearing headphones overtop of my toque. That's how we roll at the X. A thanks to G-Lo for helping out and taking the picture, and for piping up and stating totally clearly that we liked and owned the toques with earflaps before they were cool. We are trend setters. Everyone else is a phoney. And to them I say "Take off, ya hosers!"

Level of Normalcy...well, we'll give it a 7.5 out of 10...but that's better than it was!

It only took a week and a half...or, I suppose, 10 days, but things have returned to some semblance of normalcy in the newsroom. We have a news program running with which we can compile and read casts (an itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny, but ever so crucial detail). Yesterday afternoon, for the first time since Friday the 20th, I was able to read a newscast from the computer in the newsbooth and use clips as frequently as I cared to. I was not ashamed to grab the arms of coworkers who walked past the newsbooth and point joyously to the computer declaring (with an emotion edging on hysteria) that we now had, not only a server, but the program Newsroom up and running. Several smiled at me and made comments to the effect of "I think this is the first time I've seen you smile in over a week!" And, I say, no wonder!

Bustedtees.com...possibly the best t-shirt site ever...

Ok, seriously, everyone I know must visit and adore bustedtees.com Here are my favorites...

Halloween...

Halloween was (surprisingly) never about the candy for me. Well, think about it, as someone who is deathly allergic to peanuts during an era where no one knew about allergies, let alone clearly labelled their product, I always got a teensy little stash by the time my mum had gone through my loot and removed the pieces I couldn't have. No, it was never the intense sugar high...it was the costumes and it was the fireworks.
I remember coming home from school in the afternoon and watching tv, getting so excited and counting down the minutes until it was time to go get dressed up. We would always have a really early dinner (usually at least partly dressed in our costumes) and then go out immediately afterwards.
After tromping our way through the neighbourhood, we would return home and put on heavy winter coats (the ones we wouldn't wear while trick or treating because they covered up our costumes) and then go outside again. All of the neighbourhood kids would come to our end of the cul-de-sac and wait while my Da and Mr. Brock would bring out the wheelbarrow into the middle of the street. It would be filled with dirt and he would start sticking in the fireworks, one at a time and lighting them off. All us kids, with our faces still painted from the night, would get sparklers and run around with them, drawing pictures in the sky and bouncing around to keep warm. Da would always try to have something really spectacular for the fine firework, and I remember when it wouldn't go off as planned, how disappointed he was, but we didn't care. We each had our sparklers to play with, and we each thought our costumes were better than anyone elses. Then we'd go inside to pour over the loot, get a decent sugar high, and go to bed, because there was always school the next day.

Here's To The Ladies

Here is to the women who have helped me along the way and brought me to where I am.
(that's right, I blame you! hahaha!)

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

To Meghan (MAGAN!!!)

Who can always be counted on to make me come close to peeing myself laughing.
My original pirate matey...And who Wood When A Race in Quibic!

To Denise
Who is the only person I can imagine spending Christmas Day with at the lake burning photos in the snow.

To Katrina
Who was always completely honest and forthcoming with her opinions without sacrificing compassion.

To Leah (my twin...it's the blue eyes! hahaha!)
Who danced with me behind the bar and helped me screw with guys heads. Who laughed insanely when everything fell appart in August of 2005.
Who showed me it is possible to grow a second feeling,
and Who promised to run away with me to join the Lesbian Circus.

To Britt
Who inspired me to work harder at school, and who was a support just by making me feel like I wasn't the only one feeling homesick and lovelorn.

To Heather (Honey)
Who, even though she may be having the worst day in history still smiles.
Who helped get my ass in gear to start going to the gym...but who comes over to talk all night and eat cheesecake and drink tea.

To Mare (Pegs Genova)
Who taught me to be tough and take no crap, and who I could always count on to listen and do something completely ridiculous and make me laugh until it hurts.
Who was there with a hug whether I asked for one or not, and who I shared more episodes of Friends, Cheesecakes, scrapbooking sessions, and Emotional Crisis than I could even begin to count.

To Maureen (my mo-mo)
Who has known me for over 12 years and who I have shared more life experiences with than anyone. Who, no matter what trials our friendship goes through, will always forgive and be forgiven. Who has been there through all of my mistakes and triumphs and who is never embarassed by me...and who I can always count on to buy snail and turkey finger puppets even though we're 24 years old and in public!

And to my Mum,
Who, God help us, understands me like no one else, and bestowed her morals and ethics upon me, and her ability to make up silly hums and silly dances.
And who, by the grace of God, still loves me after all I've put her through.

-~-~-~-~-

So thank you, ladies, for being yourselves and for helping me to be myself.

I love each of you more than I know how to tell you.