Golf...?

These are my golf clubs. Brad bought them for me yesterday (don't worry, they're used, he's not delusional enough to think that new clubs were a good idea).
I am participating in the Cypress Health Region Staff Golf Tournament today.
Allow me to break down my Golf-Related History.

Age 8 (ish) - I take golf balls and club to the field at the end of my cul-de-sac. Swing club. Hit ball. Ball hits 9 year old neighbour boy on the head and knocks him unconscious. I run.

Age 20 - Friend takes me to driving range. Thinks hitting a bucket of balls will be "fun". I hit a total of three balls a total of three meters (including the ones that roll three inches behind the marker when I knick them with the club). Remaining 10 don't go anywhere. Friend gets frustrated and confiscates balls and clubs.

Age 26 - Purchase Nintendo Wii. Really good at golf game. Become delusional that I am actually a natural at the game.

Age 27 - Sign up for staff golf tournament. Begin to suspect that my practice on the Wii will not equate to actual talent at game of golf. Become terrified. Consider running again.