Tuesday, October 31, 2006 the best t-shirt site ever...

Ok, seriously, everyone I know must visit and adore Here are my favorites...


Halloween was (surprisingly) never about the candy for me. Well, think about it, as someone who is deathly allergic to peanuts during an era where no one knew about allergies, let alone clearly labelled their product, I always got a teensy little stash by the time my mum had gone through my loot and removed the pieces I couldn't have. No, it was never the intense sugar was the costumes and it was the fireworks.
I remember coming home from school in the afternoon and watching tv, getting so excited and counting down the minutes until it was time to go get dressed up. We would always have a really early dinner (usually at least partly dressed in our costumes) and then go out immediately afterwards.
After tromping our way through the neighbourhood, we would return home and put on heavy winter coats (the ones we wouldn't wear while trick or treating because they covered up our costumes) and then go outside again. All of the neighbourhood kids would come to our end of the cul-de-sac and wait while my Da and Mr. Brock would bring out the wheelbarrow into the middle of the street. It would be filled with dirt and he would start sticking in the fireworks, one at a time and lighting them off. All us kids, with our faces still painted from the night, would get sparklers and run around with them, drawing pictures in the sky and bouncing around to keep warm. Da would always try to have something really spectacular for the fine firework, and I remember when it wouldn't go off as planned, how disappointed he was, but we didn't care. We each had our sparklers to play with, and we each thought our costumes were better than anyone elses. Then we'd go inside to pour over the loot, get a decent sugar high, and go to bed, because there was always school the next day.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Here's To The Ladies

Here is to the women who have helped me along the way and brought me to where I am.
(that's right, I blame you! hahaha!)
To Meghan (MAGAN!!!)
Who can always be counted on to make me come close to peeing myself laughing.
My original pirate matey...And who Wood When A Race in Quibic!

To Denise
Who is the only person I can imagine spending Christmas Day with at the lake burning photos in the snow.
To Katrina
Who was always completely honest and forthcoming with her opinions without sacrificing compassion.

To Leah (my's the blue eyes! hahaha!)
Who danced with me behind the bar and helped me screw with guys heads. Who laughed insanely when everything fell appart in August of 2005.
Who showed me it is possible to grow a second feeling,
and Who promised to run away with me to join the Lesbian Circus.
To Britt
Who inspired me to work harder at school, and who was a support just by making me feel like I wasn't the only one feeling homesick and lovelorn.

To Heather (Honey)
Who, even though she may be having the worst day in history still smiles.
Who helped get my ass in gear to start going to the gym...but who comes over to talk all night and eat cheesecake and drink tea.

To Mare (Pegs Genova)
Who taught me to be tough and take no crap, and who I could always count on to listen and do something completely ridiculous and make me laugh until it hurts.
Who was there with a hug whether I asked for one or not, and who I shared more episodes of Friends, Cheesecakes, scrapbooking sessions, and Emotional Crisis than I could even begin to count.

To Maureen (my mo-mo)
Who has known me for over 12 years and who I have shared more life experiences with than anyone. Who, no matter what trials our friendship goes through, will always forgive and be forgiven. Who has been there through all of my mistakes and triumphs and who is never embarassed by me...and who I can always count on to buy snail and turkey finger puppets even though we're 24 years old and in public!

And to my Mum,
Who, God help us, understands me like no one else, and bestowed her morals and ethics upon me, and her ability to make up silly hums and silly dances.
And who, by the grace of God, still loves me after all I've put her through.

So thank you, ladies, for being yourselves and for helping me to be myself.
I love each of you more than I know how to tell you.


it's been one of those weeks...and it's only Monday. Ha! My new motto is "LALALALALA!!" I don't want to deal with this bullshit anymore. I swear to god, I'm getting an ulcer. I know there's nothing I can do and I shouldn't stress, but...


Sunday, October 29, 2006

Windy - Greg MacPherson

A voice said, hidden on the wind, said "get out again, get out while you can",
and you're gone away for a while.

A voice said, hidden on the wind, said "get out again, get out while you can",
and you're gone away for a while.

Something different is your beacon, and the border is your goal,
and where you go from there, man, I don't know.

Goin where it isn't cold and it doesn't snow
like it is in winter in the background here.
For eight months out of the year the wind blows in your face,
like it's blowin at your back now,
blowin at your back now.

Goin where it isn't cold and it doesn't snow
like it is in winter in the background here.
For the best part of the year the wind blows in your face,
like it's blowin at your back now.

And there's something in your life, and a hole is what it is,
and this knowing what it is is what's driving you,
driving you away, driving you away.

All you warm-blooded people in this northern city,
warm-blooded people in this northern city,
wish the winter'd go, but don't listen to the wind sing
"Follow me, Follow me away!
Follow me away!"

don't know what to do about today..

I don't know what to say or do about today. Daylight savings time has kicked in (even thought I totally forgot about it and was thoroughly confused when I looked at my computer clock and it says 10:43 and the one on the wall says it's damn near noon). It's nice to hvae that extra hour for the day...but what to do with the day? I feel at odds with everything for the moment. I enjoy the thought of doing nothing and relaxing, maybe getting some housework done, but at the same time, I can't help but remember that tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm excited to see Brad in 12 more sleeps, but that's 12 more days I have to get through. the possibility of getting somewhere with an job application is exciting, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Everything has a downside and I feel somewhat consumed by those downsides. God, I crave some stability. I wish I could take that feeling of "everything is good" that seems to only last a few moments and extend it to a few months, or weeks, oh hell, I would be happy with a couple of days at this point. To not always feel like I'm living each day trying to be thrifty so I'll have enough money to last me to the end of the payperiod. To not always feel like I'm counting down the days until I get to see Brad again. But I suppose we make our own beds, and I certainly have. Mind, it was all something I had to do, and I know I've learned more about life from these past 8 months than I did in the entire 6 years it's been since graduation, but god am I tired. Bodily, mentally, I am tired. It's a matter of getting through another day...and just hoping I have enough coffee to do it.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Happily Ever After?

In the same way that Merlot and Email don't mix, I wonder if merlot and blogging too are at odds?
I'm not going to lie, I'm more than a little drunk right now. A small part of me feels a twinge of concern at having reached this state alone, but mostly I feel that every now and again a little (or a lot of) wine and a night to oneself is not a sin, but a therapy. And while I find myself soothed and relaxed (and how could I feel anything but?) I also find myself in a state of loneliness.
Chick flicks are a wonderful therapy on their own, but really I should have learned from past experience that they leave me feeling sad. How do these characters, who are nothing more than an inkling of someone's imagination, end up happily ever after? When does the happily ever after come into play for the rest of us? I have no doubt it will's the timeline that's troublesome.
I want to go to Venice. I want to see this romantic place...somewhere I never actually thought I would go. For a very long time it's seemed something like Neverland...a wonderful place that really seems to only be a fantasy...but it is, in fact, real, and so, why can't I go? Exactly. No reason at all (asides from the lack of money, but that's not going to be the case forever, right?). So, here it is: I want to go to Venice. Maybe on a honeymoon? How terribly romantic!
But for now, the only place I will be going is to bed, for fear of utterly embarassing myself when I read this tomorrow.

Emergency Preparedness

It appears the snow is moving towards PG, thus, I have prepared myself to bunker down if need be. I have a more than adequate supply of DVDs, including the rental of some suitable chick flicks which likely no one will ever want to watch with me. I went to the store and bought a sufficient supply of munchables, chicken, juice and cheese. And, most importantly, I bought a bottle of red wine and a small wheel of brie. I am prepared to not leave my house until absolutely necessary (read: monday morning when it's more or less expected that I will be at work). I'm gonna chill out like this guy here...he knows how to relax!
Ok Blizzard, I'm ready for ya!

Blizzard of '06

My mum called this morning before going off to work to see how I was doing in the weather we've been having. I said I was snowed a little but there's mostly just a little on the grassy areas because it's raining now. I guess I sounded a little confused because she asked if I had been listening to the news at all and I said no. Apparently Smithers got 2 feet of snow and it's still snowing. The tree in our front yard is bent right over under it, and our huge willow in the backyard is half it's size and some of the branches have broken off.
She said one of her friends was driving from Vanderhoof last night and it took her 6 hours (the whole drive shouldn't take more than 5 from Smithers to PG), and there were semi's jackknifed and cars in the ditch. And power is out from Morricetown to somewhere around Fraser Lake, though I guess only parts of Smithers are affected. (the picture is care of my friend...that's her daughter in the snowbank)

Halloween party...for many a night they won't remember

I went to skank's house for a halloween party with station crew...
And here's the evidence:

Quite obviously I was a pirate...but alas, Pope's costume far outdid mine
Rich was an absolute gong show by about 11 (that's Baja he's pouring into Skank's mouth)

G-Lo was "Pink Floyd" and ended up wearing a weird hat (I stole Pope's)


Please don't ask what Colin and Skank are doing.

And the boys... well on their way

It was a good evening...I didn't drink...but it was a good time nonetheless.
Highlights include smoking weed in the garage, making up random chants and chanting them repeatedly, and when Docc accidentally knocked over Kyle's drink and it spilled on Skank's keyboard and everyone panicked.
The best part (quite obviously) was dressing up as a pirate.
I felt all night that something was lacking and then I realized what it was:
Mare isn't here to party it up with me, and neither is Heather. Booooo!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

8 months later...

Well, it took only 2 days to wreck my stuff when I moved here in February, and 8 months to get the payment for damages.
That's right. I shipped my four boxes via Greyhound from Saskatoon and when they got here they looked like someone had played California kickball with them. I thus began the process of filing a claim with Greyhound. Sure I wasn't exactly prompt with anything, but they certainly made me jump through hoops for everything. Now I just have to sign their little contract thing that basically says "we give in, we'll send you some cash if you please stop bothering us" and then fax it off and in, what, 6-8 weeks I'll receive a nice little cheque for 100 bucks. I'm just glad to finally have been able to stick it to the man

Greetings from the Titanic

I think Bill had it right when he called the newsroom the Titanic.
No, seriously. We're sinking. I just hope that Bill isn't the captain. Can we both be wealthy women and children please?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

"where life makes sense"...or so they say

At the end of our converstation tonight while Mum asked me why he gets to have us live by his family? I know what she means. And she explained that she is happy for me being happy, but not happy for her. I told her I would rather we lived close to my family...but....and she finished the sentence for me. "There's no work sucks." And that's it exactly. I don't know what I would do living in Smithers. Brad can be a health inspector anywhere that has a soon as his bursary is paid off in another year, but I don't know what I would do. I like Smithers, but I feel like the only tie I have to the town is my family now. Not to belittle them, but it doesn't feel like home anymore. When I drive down mainstreet, I don't feel like it's my place anymore. I feel like a visitor. I wish I could live close to my parents...and it breaks my heart when I think about not seeing my mum and da for months on end...but the realistic bit of it is that there isn't anything there for me as an adult. But she's right, it's not fair.

a moment

It was a gross windy rainy day today. I left work this evening and the sky was darker than it should have been for 6 because of the dark clouds. But as I was driving, time seemed to stop for a moment. For a moment, there was no feeling of having to do something, or having to be somewhere, there was no "to do" list. It just lasted a moment, but it was there and I all of a sudden felt totally empty of everything, and I had a chance to breathe for a moment.

I'll Miss You...

Heather is off to Vancouver today. I'm going to miss her. And I hope everything goes alright, or well, as alright as can be expected. Before she goes though, I want to post this picture. It's the picture that would have been taken if Vinnie Paul had actually stopped by the X on Sunday like he was supposed to.

suckage not quite at an all time low...pretty close, but not quite all time.

Well...things still suck at work. But not quite as bad. I've given up and thrown in the towel and said "oh fucking well".
Had a good chat with G-Lo today...even if it was me talking while he typed his side on Wordpad. It sort of reminded me of how I chat on MSN...sometimes I find myself actually saying what I want to type. I know, lunacy. Oh well. But everyone needs to stop teasing him about not talking. The one thing I have to say about radio people, is they don't know when to bloody stop. The mentality seems to be "if it's funny once, it'll be funny a billion more times and several days from now". It's not. Time to let go.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It's a step...again...we'll see...undecided...

I've sent off an's a step. I don't even know if I would be happy in the position...All I know is it's a step and I'm not happy here. I guess it's all about baby steps and we'll have to see what happens.

I don't know what I would do...

Thank God for Brad. When I called him after work today, he talked me through the sobbing and offered me encouragement and support. I don't know what I would do without him.

He even said if I told him I wanted to move to Swift Current right now, he would fly up next week, get a truck and move me down.

My Nervous Breakdown.

Had a full-on, all-out break-down at work today. After the 5, I went into the X studio because I saw Heather and when she asked if I was going to the gym I said no. Docc said I was going to be going home to cry (I had said that jokingly earlier), and then I actually started to. I pride myself on keeping my shit together at work most of the time. Yes, I get upset, Yes I get cranky, Yes I will yell and curse and step outside for a moment, but I don't CRY at work.
But I did, and once I started, it didn't stop. Complete cryface. I hate cryface. And I felt awful because here I am crying in the studio with Heather and Docc. Heather has her own stuff to deal with, and Docc, well, I feel bad losing grip in front of him...he's a's just not done. I just don't let myself drop my basket infront of guys who aren't my boyfriend.
So Heather grabbed my stuff for me and I snuck out the back. I didn't want to have to explain to anyone why I had cryface.
But I'll try to explain it here.

First of all, the newsroom is horrendously understaffed. There is NO reason we should be running a newsroom of this size with 3.5 employees. There is Bill who does the morning run, myself for the afternoon, Wil who is incharge of the weekends and has Wednesday and Thursday off, and Michelle who works from 5:30-9:30 doing the network casts. For a station that is responsible for getting news to four's just completely unreasonable.
The reason we are down to 3.5 people is because EC quit. That's fine, I don't blame her in the least (really, I REALLY don't...I'm AM however damn jealous). She gave her notice two weeks ago and it took them two weeks to even post the job. That's just flat out ridiculous.

Next, the server crashed completely. Estimated time of normalcy is still Thursday.

Next, we can't do anything with audio, so there's no tape to run with stories...except when we download it from BN (read my last post for how well that works)

Next, the network still needs at least some semblance of news and the internet keeps crapping out on us.

Then, to put the icing on the mic died just as I was trying to do the 3 o'clock cast. The intro is playing and I'm talking, but nothing is happening. I leapt out of the studio and ran to the Wolf control room where Al is looking at me with a "what the hell's going on?" look. I jump into the studio and tell him my mic is fucked. So he asks me if I can read it from the second mic in the studio. I run back to the newsbooth, grab my cast and run back to the control room and then give one of the most out-of-breath casts of my life.

The thing about it all is none of these things are something I can't handle...but all balled together it's too much...especially when there's really not much of a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, let's think realistically for a moment. The server will be back to normal on Thursday and we'll be able to be up and running again. Everything is still gone and there's no way to retrieve it. As of Monday we're down to a newsroom of 3 because Michelle quit. Even when we get a news director and regional news director, it will still take a while before things are running smoothly with that person...and then as of March we no longer have BN (a MAJOR source of news for us), and things will be bumpy yet again.

No light.

Monday, October 23, 2006

definately not good

First off, let me say that it SUCKS when the server crashes. We lost EVERYTHING at work. I mean EVERYTHING. We have lost all of the stories written, all of the audio we had, and (the biggest and worst thing to lose of all) all of our contacts. EVERYONE. We had personal cell numbers for local MLAs, Politicians, Media Reps, everything you could possibly imagine, and it's all gone, and unrecoverable. Furthermore, all of our casts are now typed out on Wordpad and printed out. Playing audio is a horror. It's definately a Monday.

When I came in this morning I looked at Bill and said "how bad is it?" and he said "well, it's definately not good".

That pretty much sums it up. Definately not good.

I just need to be more like this little about innovative!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

When You Were Young

I've spent a good portion of the morning staring intently at my scrapbooks. Specifically the one spanning 2001-2002. I don't feel old by any means, but looking back...oh my god was I ever young. I mean, I was just a baby! No wonder my mum worried about me so much. I would have too!
These pictures were taken of me and Maureen when we went to Vancouver for the Matchbox 20 concert in April of 2001. Over five years ago...I was 18 at the time.
What a time...I was living in my first apartment with Vicky and (to the chagrin of my parents) dating Chris. I thought I was all grown up and so worldly, but then that seems to be the general belief of 18 year olds the world over. Only a year later Maureen and I went to the UK for three weeks.
What a strange twilight zone feeling to look back and think about how long ago that was...and how much has changed and how much I've grown I know I'm more grown up because I actually admit how little I know instead of feeling like I've got it all figured out.

coffee please

I find the ammount of coffee I need in the morning to be able to function relates directly to how screwed up my dreams are the night before. Last night's dreams were messed up. I don't remember much of them at all....little snippits here and there. One part though, involved me sitting up in bed and my ex, Chris, coming into the room. I avoided looking at thim because since we broke up (nearly five years ago) he's always done everything in his power to avoid looking at me, and just avoid me in general. So, I'm not looking at him as he sits down on the bed next to me. Then he took my hand and asked me if we could be friends. I finally looked at him and nodded and smiled and he smiled too. Strangely (or not so strangely depending on how well you know me), these sorts of dreams aren't exactly uncommon for me. I don't have them very often anymore, but I used to dream about Chris wanting to be my friend very frequently. As I said, if you know me very well then you know how much it bothers me when someone hates me. And let's just say I would probably fall over with shock if Chris were actually to come up to me and strike up a converstation with me. Especially following the incident at the Twin last Christmas. Oy.
These days though, it doesn't bother me all that much. I made my efforts to smooth things over several times, and well, no takers. Besides, it's been almost 5 years. That being said, I need a lot of coffee this morning.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

A Tale of Two Weekends

Photo time! Let's compare weekends, shall we?
The first contender: Rodeo Saturday October 14th

Carol, Gail, Kyle, Me

Docc and Me

Pope singing with Ken McCoy

Okay, now, the comparison begins
The next contender: EC and Michelle's Goodbye Party at Bill's

EC, Me and Cheesecake

Jessica, Me, EC, Michelle, Leah, EA (with fun light up straws!)

The Newsroom past and present: Bill, Me (with LP), EC, Wil, Michelle, EA

The conclusion: Last night was a fun night of drinks, and I've come to the conclusion it's way more fun to be drinking when getting obliterated isn't the goal of the evening. Cheers!