And what, exactly, was I thinking?

I've been re-reading my old journals lately, and come to realize just how messed up my previous relationships have been. Whenever I look back, I try to do so with happy (yet distant) memories. But reading my journals makes me think, perhaps looking back with that sort of disposition is not entirely accurate. I am well aware that a good portion of the shittiness was likely caused by me and my idiosyncracies...but really! There was a lot of shit, and a lot of crying. I don't understand why I thought that was normal? Where did I get the impression crying myself to sleep in frustration and general misery was the sign of a good relationship? I guess i was young, and that's a large part of it, but honestly. In the end, it just really brings my current relationship into sharp focus. Brad treats me like a queen, and I appreciate that to begin with, but remembering how bad things had been really puts it into perspective. That's not to say there weren't good times before too, and I never wrote about those because I was too busy enjoying them.I just wonder sometimes what I was thinking.