life or something like it

it's one of those identity crisis moments for me, though maybe 'crisis' is the wrong word to use. I don't feel lost or lacking in identity, more just a wonderment at how I got here. I have vivid and vague memories of growing up and playing and going to school and the things I was interested in when I was young, and I can remember being in high school having no idea what was next for me, but being hell-bent on acting. Then school finished and the path my life was on changed. I got a boyfriend, I moved into my first place and I worked a retail job, and somewhere along the lines my goals changed and I fell into a sort of limbo. Things changed, as they always do, and I found a new goal for myself. That goal led me to BCIT and radio school where I found the dream of being on air. After the two year program I moved to Saskatchewan to be with Brad and couldn't get a job on-air so I began to do news. Following my hopes of going back into on-air I moved to PG for a different and better news job. Now that two on-air opportunities have fallen through, it seems news has become my career. It's a good thing. It's always a little sad to see a dream fade away, but it's also been replaced with something that holds promise for me. I know the steps of how I got here, but I can't for the life of me figure out how I got here mentally. I think a lot of it came to me this afternoon when I was reading the 3p cast for Prince George and heard the intro say "here's Jessica Williams". I know who I am, but when I hear my name it always makes me think "is that me?" People say I look like a Jessica, but what does that mean? That the seven letters suit my appearance? Would I have done the same thing with my life if my parents had given me a different name when I was born? Would I still be Jessica Williams with another name?
I've gone from a place in life where the thought of being as grown up as the 7th grade kids was a foreign idea, to the brink of graduation and being set free from high school with nothing more than a stubborn determination to be an actress, to feeling lost and pathless, to blindly following a whim and going to school, to having something I enjoy doing and wondering where I'm going and how to navigate a path in life when I don't know where the path leads. And I can't help but feel like I haven't really learned anything from life, except that it keeps going and you just have to deal with each day.