Heather and I went to the Light Up tonight at the Civic Centre and toured the Festival of Trees. It was only -18 outside, but it was snowing and it reminded me of Midnight M
adness shopping in Smithers every year when the snow is falling, people are all bundled up and drinking hot chocolate wandering mainstreet. It made me feel nostalgic. And Yes, that Snowman is dressed like a Pirate! Ho-ho-Yarrr!
Therefore, since it no longer appears to be a question of physical land, but a question of people, I declare myself a nation within Canada.
| You are a beautiful princess |
Apparently Christmas will cost $18,920 (and 59 cents) this year. Well, that's what I read on MSN this morning. They ran a story about what the 12 days of Christmas would cost in today's world. That's up $571.72 from last year apparently. Who knew? Seems a little extreme, though, doesn't it? So please, I don't want anyone to go overboard this year...I'll be satisfied with just 10 days of Christmas...12 just seems excessive!
that's right. out of ginch and out of socks, and I didn't have any coins for the washing machines downstairs, so I washed all my ginch and socks in the kitchen sink. It's not like I couldn't have got quarters, but the machines only take OLD quarters, as in, before 2000. Anything newer just gets spit out, so it's ridiculously difficult to get enough quarters to do a load of laundry. I hate the machines. I need to figure out something different to do here because laundry in the sink...well, it's not a lot of fun. Though I did save close to 2 bucks....so maybe it's got its perks...hmmm...aside from the wrinkly fingers I now suffer from....
I dreamt that I was going to England. It's getting pretty foggy now that I've been awake a little while, but from what I remember at first it was Bill and Jessica and myself planning the trip. We drove to Edmonton to catch the flight, and then it changed and it was me and Maureen...but our flight didn't leave until 1am or something like that, so we were trying to kill some time in Edmonton. It was and Edmonton I've never seen, and even though it was nighttime, it was still bright as day. I remember being so happy. I dream about going to England a lot. Every month or two, but this time was different because I have my passport now, so I wasn't scrambling to find it or terrified that I would be stopped by customs. I had packed really light and was totally ready to go. I was so excited to get there. I must have been on the verge of waking up through parts because I was aware of having tried before but never made it because of not having my passport. I couldn't wait to get there again...but I woke up before I did...I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I want to go back.
I was walking through Sears this evening and felt so terribly lonely. I know, what a silly place to be lonely, but I was. The store wasn't very busy, but it wasn't deserted either. They were playing Christmas music, which under any other mood I would be furious to hear what with it being November 23rd, but it was an instrumental version of some Christmas carol and it reminded me of something. Some Christmas from years ago I go, not a specific time or a specific memory, more of a collage of all of the Christmases since I've been old enough to shop on my own. I saw a couple I know shopping, but I know them individually, so to see them as a couple made it seem really sweet. They were laughing and talking with someone they knew and I walked on by without saying anything. They didn't notice me anyway. I kept walking around the store looking at the tacky decorations and equally tacky Christmas cards and thought about how much fun it would be if I were spending an hour browsing the store with my special someone and actually enjoying the browsing. And I felt very peaceful, and very lonely all at once.
The title of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is a tricky one. The point I'm getting at is that technically, Brad is my boyfriend. We are not married, so he is not my husband. We are not engaged, so he is not my fiance. The issue I have with the term is the broad spectrum of relationship stages it encompasses. To me, he is more than my boyfriend, yet, how do I get that across to people? The term "Partner" sounds so...lesbian. Yet, boyfriend, to anyone who is not familiar with the specifics of a relationship, sounds unstable. "Boyfriend"s come and go. How is it possible to get across to someone who doesn't know you that a relationship is secure when the term boyfriend has been used? I ask because I fear the term "boyfriend" may have sabotaged my chance of making a move in life, and I'm worried about doing damage control. Thoughts?
Talking to my good friend tonight on MSN. She told me that things are going amazingly well with her new boyfriend, something I was delighted to hear, especially because she had been dating a guy I commonly refered to as Dickface...and when I say "commonly" I mean I refered to him as Dickface when I was talking to her about him, or my friends, or my parents, or, well, pretty much anyone. So things are going really well, they've known each other for about 6 months, and I guess he knew from day one that she was the one for him and was determined to get her. And now that he has, he's not letting go. She told me they're looking at buying a house in the spring and looking at engagement rings! I'm so glad that she's found someone who makes her so happy, and that loves her daughters and that her daughters love...it's wonderful to hear. It does make me wonder though, what makes it "the right time"? Most of my friends who are married were dating their partner for around 5 years before they took the next step, but then you hear about people like this who just know from the get go. How do you know?
Feeling super grumpy at the moment. I had a pretty good day at work, but I find my hold on sanity here is so precarious that at the drop of a hat I can be pissed off. It just takes a small something to set me off and make me totally angry and completely throw off the decent day I was having. Today, that thing that set me off was something that went wrong in my 5 oclock cast and then the way a co-worker dealt with it. I won't go into further detail here because, well, I don't know who reads this and I don't want to say something that I will regret later. Needless to say, it was rude and uncalled for and I'm choked. Partly because I didn't say anything. I know I SHOULD have said something, but honestly, if I had, it would have turned ugly on both sides. But it still bothers me when I don't say something after I've been spoken to rudely. It reminds me of the way I used to let people walk all over me and I hated being that person. Now I stick up for myself...well, most of the time, anyway. I guess it's a matter of picking your battles. Still, it pisses me off, and now I'm grumpy and really aggitated. ARGH!
For all the good it did last time, I'm going to say once again, wish me luck! Yet another application thrown out there...who knows...and who knows if it's even a viable option for me as a job. But I can't help but think what's the harm? Even if it's not an ideal job, there's no harm in applying, right? Who knows. I'm actually back to liking work a little more, and hopefully things will keep getting better, but that just means I'm back to making a choice between work and Brad again. Ok, so it's not really that much of a choice, afterall, I don't love work anymore and I hate PG and always worrying that I'm going to get mugged on my way to the car from my apartment, and I want to start a life with Brad again, so it's not much of a choice, but it's more of a choice than it was.
I'm looking for a friend, an old friend to be exact. I've reached the limits of my internet stalking capabilities and still haven't found her...and trust me, I'm good at this. I met Kezi when I was still in highschool: grade 11, I think. We would write long emails and councel each other over relationships and life. Sounds pretty nurmal, doesn't it? Well, the difference is she lived in England and we met over the internet. Maybe not as weird as it would have sounded 7 or 8 years ago when we first started talking. We really hit it off and kept in touch for about 4 years when Maureen and I went to the UK in May. We ended up making a stop off in Kezi's city and sleeping on her floor (all of the hotels in the city were full becaus eof some sort of convention, who knew?). Now, I'm trying to find her to try again to say...well, hello. But I don't know where to go from here. So I guess I'll just throw it out there...Kezi, if you're around and happen to stumble across this, Jess says Hi! And drop me a line or a comment or something... (oh, she had a rottweiler named Lucca last time I saw her, hence the picture)
Well if this isn't one of the strangest winters I've seen in a long time, you can call me the Pied Piper...I guess it hasn't been too strange here exactly, but a few weeks ago there was the snowstorm in Smithers with widespread panic that PG would follow suit. Then a little snow, which melted for the most part, then the crazy wind last week, and crazier wind over the weekend, and now a steep drop in temperatures expected and a full on snowstorm this afternoon. I had to sweep about 2.5 inches of snow off of my car when I left work at 6, and it had only started snowing around 3:30 or so...the snow was falling so heavily I couldn't see more than a block ahead of my car. It was very odd. All I can say....I hope some asshole is enjoying my two back tires...and my enjoying them I mean I hope they spontaneously combust and leave the person careening into a ditch where they will not be injured, but will be totally fucked over for transportation.
Being the industrious little squirrel that I am, last night I set the few remaining dirty dishes from Brad's visit into the sink to soak overnight. A time saving measure...soaking=less scrubbing. Apparently, however, my tap has a leak.
You would think, after nine months of doing this, it would be easier to say goodbye. You'd think we would be used to it by now. But it gets harder each time he leaves, each time I leave. It gets harder to say goodbye and to just let him go. Despite the promises that we'll be together soon, that the next time will be more permanent, it still breaks my heart to watch him leave.
(*ps, for girls who think it's a boy-thing to watch...think about it this way: totally ripped, sweaty men in their ginch...nuff said)
Prince George was damned close to blowing away last night, or at least that's what it seemed like. For several hours I was pretty sure I was back in Saskatchewan. Winds gusting up to 90 kilometers/hour...pretty decent. Brad and I were watching house and the lights started to flicker...I was getting ready to have to bust out my candles. Unfortunately I have a very meager supply of candles at the moment. Luckily, BC Hydro* prevailed and the power did NOT go out...well, for me anyway. Apparently about 6000 people in the city were without electricity until around 4 this morning, but I must say, kudos to Hydro crews for getting things up and running so damn quick! That's impressive really.
I woke up yesterday morning still congested and feeling cold-infested. My left eye kept watering too...and it didn't stop watering, but instead got all red and puffy and gooey. Yup...I got pink eye. Lord knows where I got it or why, but I'm not impressed. I mean seriously, who gets pink eye?! Other than me. And I can't even remember the last time I had it...I think I was about 7 or so? This is just stupid. But, luckily, I am dating the most wonderful man in the world and he's been nothing but sweet to me, taking care of me, making suggestions for how to deal with the discomfort, and insisting that I'm cute, even though I'm pretty sure I look more like Quasimodo.
I had a dream last night that I told off a certain person. I flat out told him he was a worthless sack of shit and didn't deserve anyone's time. He was (probably understandably) a little upset by my comments, but it felt really good to tear a strip off him and tell him that I didn't trust him, that he treats other people like shit, that I think it's disgusting how he lies to everyone even those he claims to care about, and that he needs to grow up. I told him I had no use for him and that he could just go away. I love that I always get the chance to say whatever I want in my dreams and be as harsh as I could ever imagine...that I can let my inner-evil-bitch run rampant and no one actually gets hurt.
