I don't know what to say or do about today. Daylight savings time has kicked in (even thought I totally forgot about it and was thoroughly confused when I looked at my computer clock and it says 10:43 and the one on the wall says it's damn near noon). It's nice to hvae that extra hour for the day...but what to do with the day? I feel at odds with everything for the moment. I enjoy the thought of doing nothing and relaxing, maybe getting some housework done, but at the same time, I can't help but remember that tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm excited to see Brad in 12 more sleeps, but that's 12 more days I have to get through. the possibility of getting somewhere with an job application is exciting, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Everything has a downside and I feel somewhat consumed by those downsides. God, I crave some stability. I wish I could take that feeling of "everything is good" that seems to only last a few moments and extend it to a few months, or weeks, oh hell, I would be happy with a couple of days at this point. To not always feel like I'm living each day trying to be thrifty so I'll have enough money to last me to the end of the payperiod. To not always feel like I'm counting down the days until I get to see Brad again. But I suppose we make our own beds, and I certainly have. Mind, it was all something I had to do, and I know I've learned more about life from these past 8 months than I did in the entire 6 years it's been since graduation, but god am I tired. Bodily, mentally, I am tired. It's a matter of getting through another day...and just hoping I have enough coffee to do it.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
don't know what to do about today..
I don't know what to say or do about today. Daylight savings time has kicked in (even thought I totally forgot about it and was thoroughly confused when I looked at my computer clock and it says 10:43 and the one on the wall says it's damn near noon). It's nice to hvae that extra hour for the day...but what to do with the day? I feel at odds with everything for the moment. I enjoy the thought of doing nothing and relaxing, maybe getting some housework done, but at the same time, I can't help but remember that tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm excited to see Brad in 12 more sleeps, but that's 12 more days I have to get through. the possibility of getting somewhere with an job application is exciting, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Everything has a downside and I feel somewhat consumed by those downsides. God, I crave some stability. I wish I could take that feeling of "everything is good" that seems to only last a few moments and extend it to a few months, or weeks, oh hell, I would be happy with a couple of days at this point. To not always feel like I'm living each day trying to be thrifty so I'll have enough money to last me to the end of the payperiod. To not always feel like I'm counting down the days until I get to see Brad again. But I suppose we make our own beds, and I certainly have. Mind, it was all something I had to do, and I know I've learned more about life from these past 8 months than I did in the entire 6 years it's been since graduation, but god am I tired. Bodily, mentally, I am tired. It's a matter of getting through another day...and just hoping I have enough coffee to do it.
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1 comment:
i hope u will look back and feel it is something u had to do, and it positively affected you. taught u lots, allowed u to go through stuff and hey, live with me! miss u sweets, where is our plan? oh wait...does that add to the instability? naw, it could be something to look forward to:) love u
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